By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
