Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
