dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
