Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
