I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
