You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
