I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
