Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
