oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
