Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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