oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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