Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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