I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
