and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
