I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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