have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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