I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
