My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
