it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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