your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
