____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
