go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
