A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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