Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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