508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
