u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
