Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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