so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
