roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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