I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize