she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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