Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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