Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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