these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
