overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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