my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
