Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
