How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
