sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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