I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
