There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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