shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
