$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize