I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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