i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
