Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
