Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I touched a dick in church today
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
