Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize