I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
