If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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