My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
