Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The air was thick with penises
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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