2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
