I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
