You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
