We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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