How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
