okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
