can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
