if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's blow job season.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
