The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
