I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
