He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
