remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
