i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
