Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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