she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
