You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
