I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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