3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
