1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
