i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
