the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
