if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
