I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize