I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize